Lost Memories

 
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            Nisha took her fingers away from the keyboard and stretched herself. She removed her glasses and rubbed her aching eyes. The clock on the table showed 2 A.M . Her eyes were seeing words on the computer even after she turned the monitor off. Her head was heavy and reeling with all the information she had gathered from the internet. Amyloid plaques, neurofibrillary tangles, dementia, Alzheimer’s...the list was endless and too much to remember. And from whatever she had read she knew that there was not much hope.

          Tears pricked her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She could not afford to get emotional every time she thought about the circumstances. She turned the night lamp off and slipped under the covers of her bed. Her aching body and mind drifted into a peaceful sleep.

         A persistent cough from the neighboring room woke her up by 6 A.M. Nisha hurriedly rushed into the other room where her mother was sleeping. She quickly handed her a glass of water and medicines, fluffed her pillow and pulled the blanket around her comfortably. The home-nurse should be here soon she thought.

          Her life was beginning to follow a regular pattern revolving around her mother. As she rushed around the house preparing the breakfast and getting ready for work the nurse walked in. Attired in her business-formal suit, Nisha walked into the room and quickly kissed her mother on the forehead. As she walked away she felt a warm hand grasping her wrist. Today was a good day. Her mother actually looked at her face and smiled with recognition. That was a rear treat and Nisha hugged her happily.

   “Ready for work beta?” she asked.

  “Han mummy, I’ll try to be back soon, ok,” Nisha said withdrawing her hand and smiling radiantly at her.

   “Mum, you take rest, I will be back soon. We can have dinner together. Tomorrow is your doctor’s appointment,” she said and bid them both good-byes.

Her thoughts drifted to the happy look of recognition on her mother’s face as she drove towards her office. Those days seemed few and far between. Her mother’s memory had steadily deteriorated and so also her health. She couldn’t remember where she was or who the rest of the people around her were. Some days, she spoke very clearly and seemed to know exactly what she was doing and Nisha wished those days just stayed, on and on…

  Sigh! Life was so unfair, she thought. Ever since her father died of a cardiac arrest, she had been taking care of her mother. Being the only daughter she had no one to share her burdens with. Relatives dropped in occasionally with fruits or flowers but nobody stayed more than a day. Some days she found herself overwhelmed with all of this.

    She longed for that friendly hug, the intimate conversations she had and the girlie talk they often shared, like friends. She longed for all the good times she shared with her mom. Nisha found herself feeling lonely and saddled with a fight she seemed to be losing.

    The only other person who had crossed her life during those difficult times was her ex-fiancée. Pranav was patient and very supportive initially. But soon her mother’s sickness took a toll on their relationship. Pranav was not willing to carry the burden and be contented with all the attention Nisha was bestowing on her mother. He had walked out!

     Nisha never blamed him or held any animosity towards him. ‘If that’s the way it had to be, so be it,’ she had consoled herself. Her mother needed her and she was going to be there for her, every waking minute. If her memory lightened up for a few days she would consider it a divine blessing.

     “Alzheimer’s a kind of brain dysfunction,” Dr. Nayar had said.

   “There is no cure for it, but some treatments may help. Her symptoms indicate a moderate stage of Alzheimer’s and it is likely she will progress towards the severe stages sooner or later…” He had said sympathetically.

 “Nisha, the truth is… She might soon loose all abilities to walk, speak or recognize others. We can try to slow it down with medications.”

   She had cried uncontrollably in front of him on hearing this. She thanked god for small mercies. At least, she still had her mother physically with her, even though mentally she was lost in another world she couldn’t comprehend.

       She remembered those good old days when her mother was at home waiting for her in the evenings with snacks and coffee ready. She was so full of smiles and energy. She was constantly buzzing around the house doing chores, taking care of the family and everything else. Since her father died she had become more absent-minded and often forgot trivial things.

       Nisha knew now, that it was the onset of Dementia in its very early stages. She desperately wished she had known then, so she could have spent more time with her. She could have told her more often, what a wonderful lady she was. She could have told her a million times what a great mother and friend she was.

              She did it everyday these days, not knowing if her mother was even comprehending what she was trying to convey. Sometimes she smiled as if she understood. Some days, she hugged Nisha tight and cried wordlessly. Nisha tried in vain to reach her, through all the fog that surrounded her memory.

         She showed her the photo albums, she talked to her about the past, she pushed her in her wheelchair to the balcony and they watched the sunset together. Those were the peaceful days.

  She jumped out of her revere when her mobile phone jingled. She stopped the car at the kerb and listened as the day-nurse summoned her home immediately. She didn’t remember the rest. All she remembered was the emergency room and her mother being wheeled in. Dr. Nayar had come out of the ER after several hours and held her when she cried hearing the news. She had never imagined the day would come so soon. He escorted her to his office and consoled her

   “Nisha, I know the road ahead is hard. But, look at it this way! She is in a very safe and peaceful place. Consider yourself lucky for having been able to spend all the time you could with her. You did everything you could. She is watching over you… I assure you I will be around, if you need me any time!” he said.

( Posted on other ID: Dec 28 2006 9:04PM - 829 Views, 35 comments)